Birch Box July

Every Month i have a little box turn up on my door step from Birch Box. I always mean to share with you every month the goodies i get in this little box, but as always life gets in the way and i am pretty rubbish at updating my blog.

This months July box was lovely! As always they come up trumps when sending some lovely beauty products. Its an online subscription if you have never heard of it and every month they will send you new products to try, smaller versions but bigger than testers would be. 

The boxes each month are always different , pretty colours and a different theme. If you like the products they send to you, just pop online and order some goodies for yourself. www.birchbox.co.uk/shop 

This month was Never Ending Summer, a summer inspired box of goodies a collaboration with the beautiful Millie Makintosh. And i must say my favourite Lip product was in this months box, the LOC Bohemian Rose lip color! Oh my goodness so pretty.

There was also a lovely elemis night cream, LOVE Elemis i'm a huge fan, a lovely little ester of a nails inc colour in a soft mint, a hydraluron Boosting Mask, and an in shower volume treatment by John Frieda!

So spoilt and cannot wait to try them all. 

They always come in cute little box, and in a draw string bag inside. And a little booklet to tell you whats in your box, where the inspiration came from and about each product.

Intrigued?? Pop on over and follow them on snapchat BirchboxUK and insta @BirchboxUK! 

The Summer sale is also now on!

Love from Both Sides

I felt like doing a post today.  And wanted to share some news with you and how i feel about this.

I'm happy right now, really happy to be honest. I finally feel like everything is falling into place. Martha is happy and that to me is whats most important.

Life is good.

 I had some pretty big news about a month ago. Martha is going to be a sister. And let me just stop you there not by me, but her Dads new partner. Cant really explain how i felt when i heard, a mixture of emotions. In fact every emotion you could possible imagine. Don't get me wrong i am happy for him, i truly am, He deserves to be happy. And despite everything that has happened between us i do hope he is. But wow, you know we were together for 13 years, we made our little girl, we had a lovely life, we have memories and special ones at that. And i suppose i felt sad. But as we all know, and some of us better than others, life moves on. Sometimes we have to draw a line under an old chapter and start a fresh one.

Martha is so happy, she is going to be a big sister. Hopefully one day when the time is right i can give her this also.

My sadness didn't come from wanting this with him, we have had our chance, like i said we have some amazing memories that i will treasure forever. But i think it came from all of that. the fact we experienced that with each other when we had Martha and now he will experience it with someone new.  I never thought back then that that would happen, i thought we were to be together forever and that neither of us would go through all these very special moments with anyone else.

Now he is.

Also i suppose i felt angry, that it had happened so quickly, that she has come into Marthas life and now all this is happening, she is being able to give Martha a brother or sister before i am, i wanted to be the one to do that first. I mean shes my little girl. 

God do i sound awful, maybe but these were the thoughts i had. Sadness, anger, frustration. We lost a baby so i suppose i felt guilt and hate for myself for not being able to give him another one when we tried. I cant explain some of the other thoughts i had, maybe if you have been in a similar situation you will know.

Our life took a path neither of us were expecting. We both made choices we shouldn't have, that now is in the past and we both know the truth behind all of those choices, that is private. And will remain that way.

But one thing we both know is that we love Martha very very much. He wants the best for her and so do i. He is in a new relationship, Martha says she in nice and Martha is happy, again that's all i truly care about. My little girl likes her and that's good enough for me. I am hoping that one day soon, me and her will be able to get on, communicate and have some kind of friendship. I mean she is going to be in Marthas life for a long time and at times maybe will need to be there for her when i am not able too.

I have my new partner and his relationship with Martha is lovely. 

Martha is one lucky little girl. She has a Mummy and Daddy who love her so much and two extra people who will be there to show her love kindness and friendship.

And soon she will have a new brother or sister. I'm ok with this. Its huge, but i am. 

Didn't think i would be able to write all this down, let alone share it with you all. Like i have said before life shocks us sometimes, throws things at us, but makes us who we are,

I don't want to be a bitter, angry, sad person. I want to be positive, happy, and grateful for all that i have. I cant change the past i can only focus on the future. Learn from mistakes and be the best Mummy i can be.

I hope sharing this with some of you may help if you are in a similar situation, i think its okay to have all of these thoughts and feelings, we are only human after all. 

Precious Moments

Welcome to my Precious Moments of January.

 Now we are obviously into February but at the end of each month i will be sharing with you some precious moments and memories that i have created with Martha, my loved ones and friends throughout that month.

My time with Martha is shared with her Dad, he has her every other weekend and during the week, so we actually co parent her. He is a good Dad and she loves being with him, when he has her it does enable me to work some longer hours and as a single Mummy this helps me out alot.

Do not get me wrong, my heart literally is breaking whenever she is not with me, but i know it is good for Martha to be with her Dad sometimes.

 Anyway......i've gone off on a tangent.... i tend to do that alot.

Okay so that's painted a little picture of why my time with Martha is so precious. Our time with any of our children whether we have 1, 2, 3 or however many more, time is precious. It goes way to quick and before we know it, they have grown and we look back over another year and think, "how the hell did that happen !"

So these posts each month will just be filled with lovely things we have got up to and lots of lovely photos. I am abit addicted to taking photos.

Some of them were taken on my phone so sorry if the quality isn't great.

Christmas- I had the best Christmas this year, i spent it with all the people who mean so much to me, especially this little one. I love this photo, its actually my screen saver on my phone at the moment, i love it mainly because she looks so grown up, a proper little girl. She was so happy with her pressies, one of her main ones being this DS. We were about to go over to my Brothers for Boxing day. I literally enjoyed every second of the holidays.

The photo below just makes me smile. Family, i love mine so much. Dad and Chris are missing from this, Chris hates having his photo taken and my dad was on my laptop!!

Grandad turns 96!- Wow, yep 96! Thats amazing isn't it. And he is doing so well for it. What do you get a 96 year old on their birthday??? A bin. He wanted a new bin, one with a fancy pop up lid, so that's what i got him, oh and a balloon and baked him a cake. So he was happy.

Fun in the Snow- We had so much fun in the snow, it literally lasted a morning but we got out in it and even managed to build a snowman!

Eating out- We have eaten out quite abit this month.....ooooops! There goes healthy eating in January. But we have had quite a few birthdays to celebrate. And we did a shopping trip with my Brother and Hayley, and you cant go on a shopping trip without going to TGI's!! Also at the weekend we went out for a yummy pub lunch for Grandads birthday and Hayleys which is this coming week. 

I love eating out. It is one of my most favourite things to do.

Star Wars- Now i know this photo is way to dark and fuzzy, but it makes me giggle so much. Just look at her. I don't particularly like Star Wars at all. But Martha started watching the films a couple of weeks ago and was engrossed. So we decided to take her to see the film at the weekend. I was so proud of her she sat so still the whole time it was on, on my lap for most of it, but still she was absolutely taken with it.

 Weekend Walks- As a family we love walking, we love being at one with the country side. And Martha loves walking to, she has always been a fan of going on walks and exploring ever since she was a toddler. Last weekend when it was so sunny but so windy we went on a little walk, just me and her. I love this photo, i love the way she is looking at me. You cant beat a good walk to blow the cobwebs away. 

Thanks for reading guys

Speak soon 

x

The Road to Finding Myself

Pathways

How has the past 3 years been for me?  I can answer this in a few simple words. Tough, emotional, exhausting, sad. Are these four simple words? No of course not, each word is filled with so much meaning, memories, truth.

I wont lie i have been scared at times. So scared because i suppose i lost my direction. I didn't know what path my life was taking. I lost control. I lost myself.

Our lives take a path, and this can change direction at any time. Just like that out of no where it can shock even the most solid grounded people. You think you know where your life will end up, but just like that the pathway diverts off into a different direction.

So many times we are made to think, by society, by religion, by media and so many other sources that we must live our lives a certain way. Move in a certain direction, never veer off the path that we are on.

But i've come to truly believe that in this one life we live, how can this be true. Of course there are different pathways and so many times we stick to the same one. But sometimes, just sometimes for some of us, and maybe i believe all of us just at different times in our lives, moments happen, life happens and we choose a different route

This happened for me. I had lost myself, Lost who i was. Not as a mummy, this i always knew to be the only thing that has ever remained true since the day i had Martha. But in everything else i had lost who i was.

The reason i am writing this post, and its a bit out of no where, is because in the past 6 months i have truly found myself again. It took 2 and a half years. That's a long time to feel like this, i know some people feel this way for a lot longer, for some its a lot quicker for people to get to the other side. But for me this is how long it has taken.

I have been on a pathway of ups and downs, i never regret anything, only maybe wish i had a chosen my choices in a slightly different way. I have learnt to forgive, not only myself but others that have hurt me. I choose to be happy now, not just for me but for my little girl. I am in a good place, i have a home, i have my family, i have good friends, i am back doing the job i should never have left and I have found love again. 

To be at the lowest you have ever felt before is hard. To come out the other side, you come out a different person. Stronger, with an understanding of others, non judgemental, compassionate,but most importantly with an understanding of you. I know i never want to feel that way again. I know i am happy, and whats more i am a happy mummy for the most important person in my life......Martha.

This evening i watched a film. I related to that film in many ways. I suppose sometimes i can be, how shall i out it.....airy fairy ha, deep, meaningful, spiritual. If you haven't seen Eat Pray Love, then maybe next time you have some time to yourself, or are in bed poorly like i am this evening pop it on.

Some words from the end of the film literally sum it all up.......................................

“In the end I’ve come to believe in something I call the physics of the quest. A force in nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity.

The rule of quest physics goes something like this……… If your brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting which can be anything from your house,to bitter old resentments and set out on a truth seeking journey either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey, as a clue and if you except everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared most of all to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself then the truth will not be withheld from you.

I can’t help but believe it from my experience.”

Our lives are like chapters of a book. Some chapters will last a very long time, others will be short lived. But within each chapter we learn so much. Some of it is hard, tough and not that nice, other parts are so dam good we never want it to end. 

We are all on a journey, there will be bumps along the way, but we are stronger people for this. So enjoy every chapter, all the fun, laughter, amazing memories you are making, and learn from all the bits of crap that pop up along the way. And remember if right now you are having a tough time, that one day a new chapter will begin and you will smile once again.

Thank you for reading, and if my airy fairy post has helped just one person who's feeling a little this way, no matter what you may be going through, then i am a happy lady.

Looking to the future.

My life has changed dramatically in the past few months, well past year to be honest.

I have learnt so much, not only about myself but about those around me also. I have grown as a person, i have become someone i am now quite proud of. God, i cant believe i am actually saying that. Yes i am proud of myself.

I may not be proud of some decisions i have made in the past few years, or the way i may have gone around them but i am proud of the way i have overcome the past year and how i have become a stronger, more independent women. Those choices i made, and choices i have made not just alone have been some of the hardest i will ever have to make in my life but i did it.

The one thing among many others that i have learnt is that you must be happy. For you to be a good parent, a good person, you must be happy. And it is down to us ourselves to make a change if something isn't right.

I feel that i am now a much happier mummy to Martha. We have a new home, I have a new job (well its where i worked for 11 years before having Martha and now i'm back there) and now i feel ready to share all of this, our life with all of you.

This isn't a place i am going to go into detail about my past, as to me a lot of this is private, this is a space where i will share a lot of mine and Martha's life, lots of my beauty favourites and just a Mummy's world in general.

I feel content. 

And like i said although i am still getting over a lot,i am looking forward to the future. I have a beautiful little girl, who i will always be honest, true, loving and loyal to. She is my little best friend and we have so much in common already she is like a little mini me. And i love that.

So here's to a blog that's filled with happiness, pretty things and lots of fun and laughter.

We hope you enjoy whats to come.

Welcome to my new blog!

Hi and welcome to my new blog!

I say new blog, it was a blog before today. But now its a refreshed,brand new and is going to be full of lots of glorious things that me and my little lady get up to.

I wanted to start a fresh. Start how i mean to go on. New beginnings, new me, new feelings and a whole lot of fun, happiness and smiles.

I want this place to be a place where i come and share all our adventures, the little things we get up to day to day. Our life as it is now. Alot is different to how it was. But one thing that has remained the same is the love me and Martha have for each other.

Me and my 5 year old, my crazy little ball of energy.

So this is where it all begins. It will hopefully be full of crafting, baking, day to day life, beauty, favourites and just a working mummys life in general.

So i hope you look forward to seeing and hearing more about us.

Lots of love